The Hardest thing to be

My teacher said to me when I was lil...
"Darling, what do you want to be when you grow up?"
she said, "You can be anything that you wanna be!"
"You can be anything, let your imagination run free, explore all possibilities."
"Doors of opportunity."
"You can take care of the poor."
"You can be president."
"Take care of the  homeless, and give them place of residence."
"You can be a queen, waiting for the arrival of a king."
Live happily ever after
"Be a relief aid for natural disasters."
"You can be a success."
"Accomplish all you profess."


When I grew up, things changed
my surrounding of negativity changed the game
my plan was foiled, by happiness smothers
and hateful lovers

When I grew up....
I guess, I must confess, my quest for being want I wanted to be came to a screeching halt

I took detours in my life
some of the things which came my way, was my fault

I kissed many frogs
They never turned into princes
Miss guided heart
from deceptive love kisses

Trust lost, tossed to Hades
My innocence stolen as a baby, child abuse keep smiles away from me
living a life full of depression abyss of eternity
Struggling to be happy

I wanna smile, but those who say they love me keep me down
I rarely smile
upside down smiles
frowns
tears of a clown
and I was their fool
Seems that is all that surrounds me
other people's negativity
Asking me whats wrong with me
Because the Son's reflection off of them,  is shining on me

I intake it like a sponge
I absorb it
I become unintentionally one with it
me a negativity unity

So I want to be when I grow up?
I just wanna be me!
No presidents
No queen, searching for a king
No superhero
No reality shows

What's wrong with me being me tho?
Having a sense of my own freedom
Being comfortable in my own skin
shedding the pain and hurts within

I just wanna be me
completely
Mind, body, and spiritually

People like to encourage success
live a life care free without stress, but never encourage me to be ME!